


Fic: WIN A DATE WITH CAPTAIN AMERICA!

by evrybodysdarlin



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Blind Date, First Dates, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-10
Updated: 2013-11-10
Packaged: 2018-01-01 00:43:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1038315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evrybodysdarlin/pseuds/evrybodysdarlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil is less than impressed when SHIELD holds a contest called "WIN A DATE WITH CAPTAIN AMERICA!". But what will happen when the date goes very wrong and Phil ends up in the middle of Steve's dream date?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fic: WIN A DATE WITH CAPTAIN AMERICA!

**Author's Note:**

> Slight TRIGGER WARNING for a bit of described sexual harassment/attempted sexual assault by a woman against a man. Not graphic.   
> Also, WARNING for ableist language against mental health problems.
> 
> For a prompt by [](http://solidfoamsoul.livejournal.com/profile)[**solidfoamsoul**](http://solidfoamsoul.livejournal.com/) on [](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/profile)[**avengerkink**](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/) , which can be found [here](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/6021.html?thread=8397701#t8397701).

Ever since a plethora of camera phones recorded the Avengers saving New York City, the Avengers have become reluctant celebrities. People still don't know what SHIELD is--most of them think that the Avengers just run themselves, or that Tony Stark is in charge (since he owns the tower with the big "A" on it, after all). But now the celebrity magazines are full of headlines like "See what THE HULK eats on his day off!" and "Are the Black Widow and Hawkeye a couple?"

If Phil had his way, SHIELD would have considered all of these shenanigans breaches of national security and gotten those magazines shut down. (And no, it wasn't just because one of the rags had put him on a Stark Industries fundraiser's "worst dressed" list.) What the SHIELD administration chose to do, however...was monetize.

Their first attempt at making revenue off of their superheroes' sudden fame was basically the stupidest idea Phil had ever heard of. They called it..."WIN A DATE WITH CAPTAIN AMERICA!"

That was how it was printed every time he saw it advertised--overdramatic capitalization, exclamation mark, and all. And every time he saw it...it pissed him off.

Captain America was a national hero. A soldier. An amazing leader. He was not a teen heartthrob. Sure, he was handsome enough. But that didn't mean that SHIELD needed to whore him out for profit.

Phil began arguing with Fury as soon as he saw the ridiculous red, white, and blue posters. 

"It's dangerous! Who knows what kind of crazy person could win the contest, and then we're supposed to let our best operative spend time with some lunatic?" Phil ranted.

Fury rolled his eyes. "We'll do background checks on the winner. Besides, Steve is a very big boy. I'm sure he can handle himself."

"But...it's not dignified," Phil added. "The Avengers are supposed to be powerful heroes, not tabloid fodder."

"Dignity doesn't buy us new weapons and scientists, Agent," Fury responded shortly.

"But...Steve," Phil said hesitantly, getting to the real source of his worry. "Are you sure he _wants_ to go on a date with some stranger? From the biographical information that I've read--" Fury rolled his eyes again--"Steve's never had a romantic relationship before. Do you think he really wants his first date to be for money?"

"SHIELD asked, he agreed. If you're worried about his psyche, you better go talk to Steve." Fury strode away, indicating in his maddeningly dismissive way that the conversation was over.

Unfortunately, the disgusting contest was a hugely successful fundraiser. Women and men of all ages bought a ticket for their chance to go on a "romantic evening date with Captain America--complete with a delicious dinner and a charming carriage ride!". 

Phil thought it sounded completely tacky and overdone. And he did _not_ think it was funny when Tony Stark showed up in his office with a bundle of ten entrance tickets.

"Here you go, Agent. I know SHIELD doesn't pay you enough, so I thought I'd use my ample funds to pitch in and help you win your dream date," Stark smirked, waving the patriotic tickets way too close to Phil's face. "I know you may have already bought a few of your own, but hey, why not increase your chances?"

"Stark, this is ridiculous," Phil growled. "What makes you think that I would be entering that travesty of a contest?"

"The fact that your boner for Cap can be seen from space?" Tony replied sarcastically. "No, seriously, it can. I checked when I was up there with that nuke."

"Shut up, Stark." Phil stormed off. There really wasn't any use in arguing with such an emotionally stunted, pain-in-the-ass millionaire. Who was totally wrong, by the way. Considering Captain America his personal role model, having every book every written about him, and thinking that he looked damn good with his shirt off did not constitute having a boner for him. It didn't.

So Phil was not mad or disappointed at all when none of the tickets that Tony had bought him won the drawing. Not mad at all. Only concerned for team security.

The winner was named Elise Matthews. A TV news show had caught her on camera when Pepper Potts came to her door and told her that she won the date with Captain America. She had screamed, jumped up and down, and almost fainted on poor Pepper's shoulder. Despite that overdramatic display, she looked almost painfully normal and boring, and her background check didn't turn up anything untoward. It didn't turn up much of anything at all, in fact. She'd held the same job and apartment since college, never lived with anyone or been married, didn't have much of a social life. Phil had to admit that she could probably use a date, even though he resented...no, didn't like the fact that it was with Steve.

Phil had pressed the event's organizers to send a security team along with Steve and Elise on the date, but Steve had laughed them off, saying that he was sure he would be fine, and wouldn't an armed escort ruin the atmosphere of the "charming carriage ride"? 

Phil had been both relieved and annoyed to see Steve's cavalier attitude toward the date. He hadn't wanted Steve to feel pressured into going on the date for SHIELD's sake, or to feel uncomfortable at all. But he didn't like the way Steve seemed to actually be looking forward to the date. What if he actually liked this girl? Despite his handsome looks and fame, Steve was almost as much of a dateless, lonely virgin as Elise Matthews seemed to be.

The night before the "big date", Phil was restless. He drank a glass of wine and tried to turn in early, but as he lay still in bed, he couldn't help his mind wandering. 

There, in the darkness of his room, he let himself silently admit that he had...not a boner. Not even a crush. But... _something_ for Captain America. Feelings.

The way he'd felt about Captain America before Steve was found in the ice was one thing. That had been a crush. Just hero worship, admiration for a great man, plus a bit of infatuation for his good looks. Captain America had always secretly been his dream guy.

But now that he knew the real Captain America, the real Steve, it was different. He had thought that he might be disappointed when he met his idol in person. He had thought that Cap might be vain, or a little dull, or perhaps too reckless.

Instead, he'd been even better than Phil could have imagined. The biographies and the comic books and the vintage posters hadn't captured what Steve really was. They'd shown his heroism, but not his gentleness. Not his quiet humor. Not the shy, sincere way he greeted the world. Not the way his blue eyes shone when he smiled. In addition to being Phil's hero...Steve was just a great guy. And Phil would have wanted him whether he were the great Captain America or not.

As he realized the depths of his feelings, Phil rolled over and stuffed his face into his pillow, groaning as he did. So he had finally admitted to himself that his feelings for Steve went beyond admiration. But now what? Steve was nice to him, but he'd never acted lovestruck or anything. Besides that, none of the biographies had said anything about Steve being willing to date men (even though Phil had always had a personal theory about his close relationship with Bucky Barnes). On top of all that, Steve was going on a "dream date" tomorrow, with someone who was not Phil.

Phil only managed to sleep fitfully that night, and he accidentally woke up way earlier than he needed to. When he dragged himself into work, he was greeted by a sight both wonderful and terrible--Steve Rogers in a tuxedo.

"Hey, Agent," Steve greeted him, smiling. (Was it normal for his heart to be pounding like that?) "I'm here picking up this penguin suit for the date tonight." Steve rolled his eyes a little, and Phil's already pounding heart leapt a little in his chest at Steve's joking dismissal of the date. "How do I look?"

"Are you kidding me?" Phil blurted out accidentally. "I mean...sorry, I mean...you look good." _Fantastic_ , his mind filled in. _Delectable. Godlike. Fucking perfect_.

"Thanks. I feel like a waiter," Steve joked. "I'll see you later, Agent." He clapped Phil on the shoulder as he walked away, and Phil had to physically restrain himself from leaning into Steve's touch. The result of this was that he almost fell over. Very smooth.

Phil occupied himself with work all day, but by the time of the date, he was about out of necessary (or even vaguely useful) tasks to do. He had wanted to hang around the office to keep himself busy, and also so that he would be there in case Steve's date somehow did end up a bad situation. Phil told himself that he was just being delusional, though, and reluctantly forced himself to go home.

As he sat on his couch and half-watched a crime solving TV show, Phil allowed himself to reminisce about how amazing Steve had looked in that tuxedo this morning, and how strong and heavy and right his big hand had felt on Phil's shoulder. 

What would it be like to actually date Captain America...no, not Captain America, just Steve. Phil thought he seemed like the kind of guy who would like to stay in, just watch TV and eat takeout together, cuddling on the couch until they went to bed early and had slow, sweet, lazy...no, he wasn't going to go there. He wasn't sure that his still slightly damaged heart could take it if he let himself fully delve into the thought of sex with Steve.

Anyway, maybe Steve would like to go out. He was still a young man, after all, and he had so much of modern New York City left to see. He would probably like concerts, and Phil knew that he loved art. And wouldn't he look amazing dressed to go out on the town? 

Just as Phil was thinking about what suit he would wear if he ever actually did go out somewhere with Steve, his cell phone rang. Phil grabbed it reluctantly, sure that it would just be Fury telling him some pain-in-the-ass problem to deal with. To his surprise, though, the caller ID read "Steve Rogers."

Phil quickly answered the phone. Before he could even decide how to best greet Steve (Sir? Captain? Just Steve?), Steve was talking.

"Agent," he panted, sounding as winded as he had after fighting invading aliens. "I really need your help with something."

"Anything," Phil blurted out. "But...what's wrong? I thought you were on your date?"

"I was. I am. And that's the problem. See, Ms. Matthews and I were just supposed to meet up and take a limousine to dinner. But on the way, she asked the driver to stop by her apartment for a lipstick that she'd forgotten--"

"A lipstick?" Phil interrupted. "What kind of excuse is that?"

"A pretty stupid one, I guess, but hey, this is my first date, you know?" Steve babbled. "Anyway, she invited me to come up, and it seemed rude to say no, so I went up with her and she..."

"What?" Phil urged. "Are you all right?"

"Well, sir, she...kind of jumped me. She told me to sit down, and then she sat down on my lap, and I figured that was OK, but then she started getting a little...forward. So I told her to please back off, but instead she started holding onto me and refusing to let go, and she was all...moving."

"Moving?"

"You know, like...writhing. On my lap." 

Phil grimaced at that interesting mental image. "But then what happened?"

"Well, finally, I tried to push her off, gently, you know, and then she bit my neck! I guess it was supposed to be sexy--"

Phil died a little inside to hear that voice he loved say the word "sexy."

"--but it really hurt, and it drew a little blood, which doesn't seem safe, considering my genetically altered state. And when I finally pushed her off, she chased me and tried to grab me again. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a healthy, red-blooded American male, but Ms. Matthews isn't really my cup of tea. Plus, this is our first date! I don't want to neck with someone I hardly know. Anyway, I know I could easily overpower her, but I didn't want to fight a lady! And tying her up or temporarily incapacitating her seemed like overkill...anyway, Phil...I'm locked in the bathroom."

"Wh-what?" 

"I'm locked in the bathroom in her apartment. She's trying to pick the lock. I feel terrible, because it seems like I'm ruining this date, but I thought this was just supposed to be a fun evening out. I don't know what to do. I called you because I really didn't want to try to explain all this to the SHIELD people who organized it. I thought you could help me out."

"Steve," Phil breathed. "Wait there, I'm coming." He checked his phone's GPS for Steve's location. "You're just a few minutes away. I'll come get you."

"But the date," Steve protested half-heartedly. "She won the date."

"She won a date, not a full-service escort for the evening. She's behaving completely inappropriately. If Ms. Matthews or SHIELD has anything to say about it, they can just talk to me." Phil could tell that he had his angry agent voice on, but to his relief, Steve seemed glad rather than freaked out.

"I'll be waiting," Steve answered stalwartly.

Phil made it to Elise Matthews' apartment in even less time than his GPS had predicted (probably because he took full advantage of his SHIELD privileges and completely ignored traffic laws along the way). He found the apartment number listed in the background check document that he had wisely saved onto his phone.

When he knocked on the door, though, no one answered. He knocked again, loudly, and again heard only silence. Then he heard a familiar voice yell "Agent! I'm in here!"

Without thinking twice, Phil kicked the door down. (Surely the "Win a Date" fundraiser had raised enough to pay for replacing one flimsy apartment door.) He was immediately greeted with the sight of Elise Matthews standing outside a closed bathroom door with a hairpin and a very sharp nail file, frantically stabbing the doorknob's lock.

"Ms. Matthews," Phil began in his most authoritative voice.

"You can't take him away from me!" Elise Matthews bawled. "The date isn't over! I won it, fair and square!"

"Ms. Matthews," Phil said again, "You need to..."

He was interrupted by Elise swinging the hand that had the sharp metal nail file in it dangerously close to his throat.

He had her cuffed in three seconds flat. He was, frankly, delighted that she had given him the excuse to do it. 

"You can come out now, Steve," Phil called. "It's safe."

Elise struggled against the cuffs and burst into tears as Steve emerged. "I just wanted him to love me!"

"Your idea of love is dangerously close to sexual assault, Ms. Matthews," Phil growled. "Think about your behavior if the genders in this situation had been reversed. Anyway, you will definitely be facing charges for attempted assault on a federal officer thanks to your stunt with that nail file. "

Phil was distracted from his scolding speech by a big, warm, good-smelling arm wrapping around his shoulders. "Thank you, Phil," Steve whispered. "I really didn't know how to get out of this one."

"I never leave a man behind, Captain," Phil joked, and Steve chuckled.

Thoroughly tired of dealing with the sobbing, struggling Elise, Phil quickly called in two junior agents to bring Elise in to deal with SHIELD and the police, or whatever Fury decided was appropriate. The agents were there in just a few minutes, and Phil was only too glad to let go of Elise's cuffs and hand her over to someone else.

Phil was just preparing to leave when Steve stepped into his way. "I was wondering, Agent," he began.

"Phil," he corrected. "Please call me Phil."

"Only if you call me Steve," he replied, smiling. "Anyway, Phil, I was wondering...would you like to go out to dinner with me?"

"Right now?" Phil stammered. He looked down at his clothes. They were definitely not the clothes he had been imagining himself wearing on his hypothetical date with Steve. He was wearing his same old suit from work, minus the jacket and tie, with his sleeves half-heartedly rolled up, because that's the state he had been in when he received Steve's call.

"Yeah, right now. I was just thinking...we shouldn't let the dinner SHIELD paid for go to waste, should we?" Steve smiled again, and he really was just too good-looking.

"You mean...the date? You want to take me on the romantic dream date?"

"I want to repay you for saving me tonight. Besides, it sounds fun. I've been wanting a chance to talk to you."

Phil thought that he must be dreaming. Steve, wanting to spend more time with him?

"I date men sometimes," Phil blurted out. "I mean...I didn't know if that would make you feel awkward. To go on a date with a man who actually...goes on dates...with men," he trailed off awkwardly.

"I hear that men going on dates with men is pretty socially acceptable these days, right?" Steve answered easily, and Phil nodded. "I wouldn't ask you on the date if I didn't want to go with you," Steve added softly.

"Then yes," Phil said hastily. "Yes. Hell, yes. I want to go on the date with you. Right now. I'm ready to go."

Steve chuckled, and Phil realized that he was babbling and possibly channeling Elise Matthews. 

"I think our limo is still waiting for us downstairs," Steve said, his voice all low and smooth. "Shall we?"

Phil blissfully followed Steve down to the street, where a big limo was indeed still waiting at the curb. Steve opened the door for Phil, and then blushed.

"I'm sorry," Steve said awkwardly. "I didn't mean to act like you were a girl."

"Don't worry about it," Phil smiled. "I like gentlemen."

They spent the ride to the restaurant discussing idle SHIELD office gossip. Fortunately, there wasn't much going on in the way of villainy and terror nowadays. It felt good to have the worst work-related controversy be the question of who was eating other people's lunches out of the staff refrigerator.

Steve wasn't a very satisfying gossip, though, because he never had anything bad to say about anyone. He was the only person Phil knew in real life who actually lived by "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." How was this guy even real?

When they got to the restaurant, Phil was thrilled to realize that Steve was engaging in first date small talk. He asked where Phil grew up, what his hobbies were, and what had made him interested in joining SHIELD.

It was embarrassing to admit, but Phil couldn't deny it. "I became interested in working for national security because of you," he said candidly. "You were always my hero growing up, and as I got older, I realized that what I admired about you was how you devoted your life to serving your country and helping other people. So I tried to do that, too."

Steve stared at him. "Are you being serious?"

"Yes, completely. I know that it's probably embarrassing to tell someone that they're your childhood role model on a date," Phil admitted, "but it's true."

"That's...amazing," Steve said, looking a little stunned. "I feel so unworthy, though. I may have done my part during the war, but you've accomplished so much more than me already. You've built a real career and worked on so many important missions." Steve blushed again. "I've kind of asked around about you. All of the junior agents tell me about what a badass you are. Their words, not mine. I still feel like a dumb kid compared to you."

"You're not. You're the amazing one."

"I guess this is a mutual admiration society, then, huh?" Steve joked, breaking the tension with his self-effacing humor as he so often did.

After a few more minutes of comfortable getting-to-know-you talk, the small classical band that had been setting up in the far corner of the restaurant began to play. A few couples rose up from their tables and began to dance.

"Oh, wow, music," Steve said softly. He looked into Phil's eyes. "Will you dance with me? I've always wanted my first date to include dancing."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Phil responded anxiously. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I would love to dance with you. But remember, you're a celebrity now. You'll probably already get articles written about you just for having dinner with me. 'Captain America Sexuality Shocker,'" Phil said bitterly.

"I don't care what those articles say. It's just stupid gossip, and it doesn't matter anyway. I've spent long enough hiding parts of who I am." Steve was staring into Phil's eyes again. "You've probably heard, I worked with Agent Peggy Carter. There were rumors about us, and the truth is, we never had a real relationship, but I loved her. But before that, the first person I ever loved was my best friend, James Barnes. Bucky. He never knew, and I never told anyone, but I was in love with him." Steve chuckled wryly. "He always wondered why I never enjoyed myself on the dates he set me up with." His eyes grew firm again. "He died never knowing how I felt, like it was a shameful secret. It wasn't the kind of thing that you told anyone back then, at least...not unless you were brave. Braver than I was. But now I've got this fresh start here, and I'm not going to let anything get in my way." Steve took a deep breath. "I like you, Phil Coulson, and I want you to dance with me."

Phil was breathless, shocked, and completely elated. "OK," he answered simply.

Before he knew it, he was swaying on the dance floor with Steve's arm around his waist as Steve led the dance. 

"I swear, I don't think you're a girl," Steve blurted out nervously, and Phil laughed.

"Don't worry, Rogers. I'm comfortable in my masculinity." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Besides, this is nice. It feels good."

"You smell amazing," Steve murmured, his breath brushing over Phil's neck, and Phil literally shuddered at the feeling. "Are you cold?" Steve asked anxiously.

"No, I'm great," Phil answered truthfully.

They danced for a few more slow songs. Phil kept thinking that eventually he would get used to the feeling of Steve's arms around him and would stop feeling like he was going to hyperventilate with joy, but Steve's touch just didn't get any less extraordinary.

After sharing a decadent dessert, Phil and Steve left the restaurant, walking arm in arm. To Phil's delight, Steve stopped him before he could walk to the limo, saying "You're forgetting the last part of our dream date."

"The charming carriage ride?" Phil teased.

"Yes, exactly. Let's go." Steve slid his hand down until he and Phil were holding hands as they walked, and Phil secretly added another delicious picture to his mental scrapbook.

Even though he generally thought such things were cheesy, Phil had to admit that the carriage ride around Central Park actually was rather charming. The driver was still and silent, giving them privacy, and the lights and shadows of the park surrounding them were beautiful. Steve put his arm around Phil's shoulders, as though protecting him from the chilly night air, and Phil cautiously allowed himself to lean against Steve's broad, strong form. They sat quietly for a few minutes, listening to the ambient noise of the peaceful park.

Steve broke the silence. "I am so glad that I'm here with you and not Elise Matthews," he exclaimed earnestly, and Phil burst out laughing.

"You really know how to sweet-talk a guy, don't you?" he laughed, keeping his tone gently ribbing.

"I'm serious, though. She scared me. But really," Steve said, his voice getting lower and sweeter, "I'm just happy to be here with you. Like I said, I've been wanting to spend some time with you. It only took being around you a little to realize that you're special. You're a real hero. And pretty handsome, too."

Phil pinched his arm to make sure that he wasn't dreaming. "All that goes double for me... I mean, for you," he said, grinning haplessly. The grin seemed to be permanently glued to his face.

"Can I kiss you, Phil?" Steve asked, his voice a soft whisper.

"Yes, please. As soon as possible. Right now." Phil's awkward words were interrupted by the indescribably good feeling of Steve's lips pressing against his own. Steve was shy, and a little inexperienced, but hey, so was he. They soon found a rhythm and a sweet angle, and then their lips were pressing together over and over again, soft and hungry.

When they finally pulled apart, they both stared at each other.

"Wow," Steve said simply.

"I knew you'd be good at that," Phil replied. Steve laughed and quickly kissed him again.

"I love this date," Steve said sweetly, "but I think next time we should stay in. That's really what I like to do." 

"Get some takeout, watch a movie?" Phil added.

"Yes, exactly."

"And how do you feel about necking on a second date?"

Steve pressed his big body up against Phil's, leaning him back against the carriage cushions, looming over him, grinning a naughty grin that Phil had never seen on him before.

"Excited," Steve answered. "I feel very excited."

  
  



End file.
